What I saw, what I felt, what I heard, WHAT I REALLY WANT.................... TODAY!

 What I saw:

- I woke up at 4 and went out to the corridor and as usual tried to peak at Dalwin and Kamini's room. It was dark. Strange. Today's an exam day and their room is supposed to be bright until at least 8 am. And it started to be bright again at 9 maybe. Strange!

- I saw Ming twice today. Once energetic (at maybe 7 am) and another sleepy (at 12 pm). I talked a bit to her and offered her something. She said she's a good girl. Hahaha. I'm gonna miss everything here. Talking to her always lead to us being competitive (in a joking way) but today I just talk friendly to her. There's something sad about the notion that we're not going to see each other again soon for a very very long time.

- I saw a  flock of black birds early in the morning. They look plain but when they fly, and if we look horizontally, they are quite beautiful because there were white spots on both their wings. And few moments later, there is a pair of very beautiful bright yellow birds and they quickly overtook my attention from the black birds. 

(I was just saying what I saw early this morning but when I think about this matter, I can totally relate to humans. There are people who are beautiful inside though they may not look so good on the outside but people tend to ignore them. And then, there are these extremely good looking people but they are not so nice- talking childishly- People love them because of their outward look. They are blinded  by the looks but ignore the true person these people really are. Oh, this is so just my opinion. I felt really bad for the black birds. But I think they are just content with having to fly through the clouds and see the world from the up above)

- I saw beautiful clouds at dawn and Syirah said that her father can draw the scene. And I remember that my father once draw a picture of Brian Littrell (one of my earliest crush) and though it might sound weird, I miss my father (and it happens quite often nowadays). 

 

What I felt:

- While walking along the corridor looking at the tiles, my fingers felt weird. Twice. They felt paralyzed (no, not that extreme, but different). 

- I felt different today. Much lighter and heavier at the same time. Lighter because we are not enemies now and being friends is so much easier. Heavier because of the exam and the fact that I'm going to be an adult very very soon (23 and practical and all) and also heavier because I have to go back to KL (the journey and all the things I have to go through, I'm sure it's going to be painful).

- I felt at ease because someone called and not long after that my beloved mommy called. It felt really nice and relaxing.

What I heard:

- Oh, this is interesting. I woke up this morning and Syirah told us that when everybody was asleep, there were 2 cats fighting in the house. And the funny part is, it is only her that realized the incident. Everybody seemed to be so dozed off. Even Wani who is sensitive to sounds at night couldn't hear it (excuse her, she ate Panadol). And Syirah made her decision to wake Siti up instead of me (she was deciding whether to wake me or Siti up). She said that she was afraid that I made fun of her by saying it was her imagination or that it was ghost. Unfortunately, Siti ignored her. Leaving her chasing the cats out through the windows and one of the cats has forgotten his way out and Syirah (blessed her soul) has to carry the cat out in the middle of the night. Hahaha. That was damn funny. And to make it funnier, she has to take flu medicine because she couldn't get to sleep after that. And she was 'membebel' all the way through. Oh, I can only imagine. I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep again laughing hysterically at her. Oh, this is one of the few entertainment left for me (okay, so I don't get to laugh from the heart lately. And the only good feeling that I get is through berak. How pathetic my life is right now?).

What I really want:

- I want to be with my mama now

-I want to be able to laugh from the heart again. Truly laugh. I need someone to give me one hell of a good joke to make me laugh again. Because I just cannot seem to find someone that can give me that (lately)

- I need a time machine so that I can reverse few things in my life. I want that happy moments again because it was truly happy. (I'm going to write about it one day)

- And I want to be 9 again because I felt happy then.

- And seriously, I don't know what I truly want

I'M MESSED UP PRETTY BAD!