Post-convocation

Sorry, I have to start with the ‘post-convocation’ story because it touches me the most. Convocation day was one hell of a hectic day. I didn’t really care anymore about the scorching sun. I was trying hard to make my mum comfortable (as the weather was quite warm) and finding my peeps. I saw them smiling. I wanted to say so much but I know that my sis must have been sweating and uncomfortable and I know that my dad was not in a good mood (duhh!). And though my mum didn’t say anything, I know that she must not feel at her most comfortable. Therefore, I run as fast as I can to some of my friends and saying few words when the fact is I wanted to hug the life out of them.

After a few shots (bunyi nk mcm model je), I went to return the robe and again saw a few rushing friends. I didn’t get to say much. It was stuck deep in my fucking throat. Even Hazwan didn’t make fun of me (see? I am serious about how people were rushing).

It’s when driving back to Putrajaya that it hit me that I will no longer see the other 76 of my friends in the same room again. That’s when I cried. And I was listening to Blink 182’s new album Neighborhoods, for God’s sake. Only sad songs make me emotional but this time around, I really cried listening to Blink’s songs. I was thinking of Syirah and how she would keep me company late at night when I was driving. I remembered how I laughed with Ming, how Dalwin was once really close with me that we would go out together almost every day. I remembered how I spent my time with my boyfriend then but that was a long time ago that I feel that we were so young. And I remembered so much more that it hurts till now; when I’m typing this fucking sentence.

To make it worst, being the ‘adik’ that I am, I did all the carrying bags stuff when I am supposed to be enjoying my convocation day. I think in a few days, I’ll be having my PMS because semua nak emosional je skrg!!!!

Worst, I overslept until noon the following day and I was having a nightmare. A really scary one, I swear to God. If nightmares are the devil’s way of trying to test us, they really got me. I was scared. I hate them!!! I didn’t cry but I’m crying inside until this very moment.

And till this moment, I’m tired emotionally that it affects me physically.

I miss my friends. I didn’t get to hug Dalwin and Puvi (they’re the best huggers). I didn’t get to hug and hold hands with Pavitra. I didn’t get to say what’s on my mind to my beautiful friends.

I didn’t get to see Siti, talk to Udin, and laugh with my crazy fun friend, Zul and the others. I didn’t get to make fun at Yazid and being teased back. Hazwan, Fikri, Hisham, both Afiqs, Ainnul. Gosh, almost everybody!

My friends, please know that I love you guys and I just wish that one day, we’ll meet again!

Can anyone make me feel better? FUCK!!!

(Sorry for the rude words in this post. Really fucked up)