Mãe : Portuguese for 'mother'

Happy 17^th Ramadhan.

It is very sad that after three long years of not having Mama at home around six o’clock every week days, I have to experience it again today, tomorrow and maybe the day after tomorrow too.

See, my grandma or I called her Mak loves her home so much, she has been complaining to stay there since she moved in with my aunt (Ibu) in KL. However, no one wants to stay kampong anymore. The place is dangerous (coz of the courageous thieves stealing in broad daylight) and because of Mak’s children living someplace else.

So, now, she got this opportunity to stay at kampong with the condition that a neigbour’s daughter stays with her too. Turns out, the daughter is sick and being the obedient daughter I am, I have to stay with Mak at Mama’s request. Not that I’m complaining because Mak’s has been cooking for me since I was Form 4. It is just that Mama has just arrived here in Malaysia that every single seconds with her is precious. I want to be with her, do girl talkin with her and just be there for her.

The person wearing the red coat is not me. She's Mama's friend. They were in Chicago here. I heart this picture coz my Mama looked happy and young.

With her friend and the friend's husband.

It is very sad really, to look at the gate expecting her to come home from work but know she wouldn’t. I miss her terribly already.

Mak’s great. She cooks excellent food but Mama has been taking care of me since I was a baby. She could have just left me somewhere after giving birth to me but she spent all her time and her energy to tend to me.

Now, I can see and feel that she’s getting old. I could not just leave her could I? I get tired easily doing chores and I cannot imagine the life she’s been dealing with since she became a mother where she handled everything on her own. Even when we (me and my sisters) became older, she did everything herself (explaining why I am just a spoiled brat and that I don’t know how to do a single thing).

But I am coping now. I do things for her and even drive her to places (I couldn’t imagine for the life of me then that I’ll be driving, much less be driving my mum). Though I have to admit, driving her is scary and can be a battle. Why? Because she thinks I am still her baby girl who is not capable of driving. How sweet of you, Mama tapi kecut sistem peranakan Bazilah bila drive sebelah Mama okay.. Hehe.

Back to track, I miss Mama. Is it too much? Manja? I don’t think so. I love Mama and I have not been by her side for the last three years and now I have to part with her again? Who cares if it is only for a few days. She is still the person who has taken care of me excellently since I was born and I would want to repay that back even if I know it will never be enough.

p.s: I didn’t bother to check the grammar.

p.s2: ikut cakap mak kita dan semuanya akan okay! I love you Mama.

Nikmat Ramadhan

Aku tak ucap selamat berpuasa kepada sesiapa pun Ramadhan ni.

Tapi aku sayangkan ramai orang.

Takpela, Allah je yang mampu balas kebaikan semua orang terhadap aku selama ni.

Ramadhan kali ni rasa lebih tenang..

Alhamdulillah..

Semoga manis Iman dan Islam dapat dirasai..

Mungkin Ramadhan ini Ramadhanku yang terakhir, aku tak tau..

Sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Besar..

Ampunkanlah dosaku Ya Allah, jadikanlah aku hambaMu yang bersyukur...Amin

Yanie aka Ilya Alias

I have been meaning to write a post about Yanie for a while now. When I was in Penang, doing the KISSM thingy, I stayed at Yanie’s room. She’s a junior and is close to Kak Farah. I have known her before but staying in the same room with her makes me get to know her more. Okay, I respect Yanie in that she is an author with 5 or 6 published books under the pen name, Ilya Alias. And she is my age; 23, for God’s sake. She is tall and I felt comfortable talking to her coz she’s young, she’s hip and she’s so much fun to be around with. And the fact that she’s taller than any of my girlfriends (though not quite my height) makes it even more welcoming. She thinks just like me and all the other itsy bitsy similarities amazes me. Maybe this is what twins feels like. With Kak Farah around, it makes it even more real. Ya know, Kak Farah is like the older sister, always the ‘sopan santun’ one and the following rules type and here we are laughing at things we feel funny at and sharing things like we are teenagers. But one thing that I feel she’s different from me is that she said and I quote in English ‘lying is as easy as writing’. Yeah, writing is kinda easy but for me lying is damn hard. I am naïve. That I have to admit. I must have look like a fool when I lie or I get busted too easily.

This is her latest book (OMG right?)

There is this one time when we talked and she was sewing her ‘baju kurung’ (did I mention she’s talented in sewing too?), she said that she was bored and didn’t know what to do. With so much enthusiasm, I asked that it can’t be too boring since she is a writer (OMG, imagine I’m a fuckin writer). She said she’s kinda bored with it after some time. I was listening to her as if she’s Britney (not quite la). Coz seriously, I respect what she does. I have been wanting to be a writer since I was small (though I have to admit my grammar sucks big time and I always messed up my own native language). I have not any idea being a writer, how’s life as a writer and what not. It is amazing to be living with a writer and listening to one.

These are hers. I found the picture in the Internet

She keeps diaries too but she’s one that when she has achieved her dreams, she burns the diary. And she’s afraid someone read them. Yes, I kept diaries too and I’m afraid people read them too but I don’t burn them. The things I write are too personal. They reflect the real me. I might just die than people reading them. I write about being me and my crushes throughout my life and love and love lost, friendship etc2.

Anyway, that’s what I have to say for now. Excuse the ‘f’ word. I just can’t help it.

Alor Gajah to Muar ya'll! :)

10.23 PM July 10^th: I have just arrived at my new home in Muar. So, I was so excited to be normal coz I get my own room and my own 'almari' and everything. That was when I formed sentences in my head. It has always happened like that. I would be having ideas to talk about (in written form) but when I finally have settled, I would totally forgot or just plain lazy to write. Sentences are always running in my mind when I am happy, excited, sad and angry but then, I don’t carry around laptop all day long so the sentences would start to fade away once the excitement wears off.

This time now I have managed to force my lazy ass to write about what had happened today. I have been living in my grandma’s house for more than 9 years now (I cannot believe it’s been such a long time now) that I don’t get my own room and my own bed. 1 family for 1 room. So there it goes. Today, for a very long time; after spreading some ‘FEMME FATALE’ love from Alor Gajah to Muar, I got to have my own fuckin room. It tastes freedom. I get to jump and sing. OMG, I have been missing my teenage years. So what if I’ll be living for 10 months the longest here as the house is only rented. Mama’s goin to find her one and only dream house in the near future (excluding her house in Perlis and one in Putrajaya). I love this house though but it’s my humble abode for only awhile coz mama’s not goin to work here forever.

And she gave me a tumbler with very cute sewn clothes written #1 TEACHER. How cute is that? Everything seems okay for now. I’m freakin happy. I cannot wait to enjoy being in my own space.

Goodnight for now. I am just so tired today being happy. I need to give my crazy mind a rest. It can go crazy again tomorrow.

 Can’t wait to say good morning to tomorrow. Love ya mama. I adore you and you’re such a lovely mum, FYI.

Penang, I'm comin'

In 2 days, I'll be in Penang (my freedom land). 

I miss the place so much but it's goin to be a bit different this time. I won't be bringing my car now coz my mom won't let me drive that 'far' (Melaka to Penang).

It means that when I have the shittiest day, I won't be able to run to my car and drive to wherever I want to; alone, feeling the wind brushing against my cheek.

It means that I don't get to sit in front of any ocean I chose to (Penang has many oceans apparently. Ya know, those with children playing and horse riding and etc2 and those with mouse playing hide and seek in between the rocks).

It means that I don't get to drive to the rich part of the city and smell the wonderful smell of coffee (And coffee always makes me think of innocence and freedom).

It means that I don't get to sing along on top of my lung to Britney's songs and tapping my fingers against the steering and dancing, putting mine and others' lives in danger. 

Maybe I can walk now or maybe I'll rent a car whenever I feel like it.

Let's just see what happens to the country when I don't have a car.. Haha.. (Sarcastic. okay?).

P.S: I don't know why I have to italicized this post. I am such a DORK!

Password: BAZILAH

Okay, I just found out that someone uses my name as his password for something (not too detail, Sharifah).

And he is not my boyfriend for God's sake!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shouldn't be that big a deal, right? WRONG! It's such a big fucking deal.

I'm freakin flattered man. Seriously? Awww.... So sweet. Please let it be that way.. Hahaha.. I'm so in cloud 9

And here I thought I'm nobody to anybody..Hehe. I guess I am somebody to somebody :)

I Think I'm Ready

I made a point to write something after finishing the first KISSM assignment but till now I still don't manage to write anything. So I guess this lyrics is enough for now. Here is Katy Perry: I Think I'm Ready

I'm used to opening my own doors and splitting the checks
He introduced me, was always just a friend
I bought a new dress, he never noticed
Always falling for these bad boys, such a challenge
I'm getting tired, of cleaning up after them [who am I kidding? my exes were boring, I swear I slept walking while being with them]
I think I'm ready to be a woman

Oh love, I think I'm ready
Ready for it

You were such a surprise
An unexpected gift
Said I was pretty, and I believed it
Not really used to all this attention
Told myself I don't deserve you
And this is just a phase
Could I get used to, being loved the right way?
I wanna argue, but there is nothing to say

Oh love, I think I'm ready
Ready for it
Ready for it
Oh love, I think I'm ready

Cuz you send me flowers, when there's no occasion
Yeah we talk for hours, you still wanna listen
Won't hold it against me if I just need you to hold me tonight
My mother always told me that you'd show up one day
So scared to feel this way but love, I think I'm ready
Ready for it
Ready for it
Oh love, I think I'm ready
Ready for it
Ready for it
Oh love, I think I'm ready 

There...the lyrics that describe you..Yes, you know who you are babe..