Tuesday, December 27, 2011

.....!!!!!!!......

Wow, many things happened!


My mind's all over the place. I cannot even form the exact intended sentences.


And here, I witness people having fun and doin nothing as if nothing has happened.


Damn! I'm sad!


See, when people are sad, I cried, when they're mad, I cried although none has anything to do with me. I'm weak, yeah, I'm well aware of that.


Penyakit apakah ini?


Menangis tengok masalah orang lain. Mungkin ini ujian/dugaan Allah. Atau mungkin ini nikmat Allah bagi kt aku sebagai menunjukkan hati aku tak hitam dan keras smpai xleh rasa kesusahan orang lain. Apa pun, syukur Alhamdulillah.


Ya Allah, aku xleh sembahyang sekarang dan aku rasa sedih sgt tgk org n aku sedih tgk manusia yg suka amik kesempatan, manusia yg xbrhati perut dan manusia yg xhormat yg lain. Ya Allah, tolonglah jangan Kau palingkan aku & mereka setelah Kau berikan kami petunjuk.


Sesungguhnya aku adalah hambaMu yg zalim. Maafkanlah dosaku Ya Allah. Kuatkanlah aku sebagai seorang manusia dan hambaMu!


Aku xsuka sume ni.. I wish for world peace and everyone to be happy!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Kota Singa & Kisah Mata Kiri

The post that I was thinking of posting, - forget about it for a while.

I went to Singapore a couple of days ago with my sister and her family (my bro in-law and my niece). Her friends were also on the trip. We started from KL to JB. We stayed JB for the night at the New York Hotel and went to Singapore the next day.

On the way, we went to Johor Premium Outlets (and I heard that it is the only of its type in Asia. It looks like the outlets In the States but JPO is two-storeyed).

At the hotel; Nayli (my baby Niece), grabbed a pamphlet and as with everything else, she swing it, she tore it, she did everything with the thing and at one point, she swing it straight to my left eye. It took a couple of minutes for me to finally open my eye and it still hurt after that. It was only a couple of hours later that my left eye felt normal again.

Oh, how I was wrong. Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up a few times with tears running from my left eye and it hurt so much that I cannot even open my eyes and I was just praying that it would be morning soon because I cannot stand the pain. When it was finally morning, I rushed to the toilet and tried to open my left eye. It hurt like hell.

The pain did not stop there when I finally opened my eye, it felt like something is in my eye and when something is in the eye, you would usually blink. But in my case, whenever I blinked, it hurt even more. I cannot stop the tears flowing from my left eye that I looked disgusting. I took every single tissue I could find to stop the tears flowing every 5 seconds (I’m not kidding).

So basically, I can only see with my right eye. It didn’t help much because I even put wrong sides of shoes to Nayli’s feet. I was afraid that during our trip, I might lose Nayli (because she can walk now. Yay!) and I know I would be blamed for it from my sister to my mom.

I know Universal Studios Singapore (USS) is fun. I can feel it but I was not enjoying it. When I looked back at the pictures, I was smiling as if nothing was wrong but the truth is, I was in pain. It was so painful that at one point, I have believed that I would be blind when I am 23.

I should be terrified but when my surroundings is full of fun and love and my baby niece is having so much fun, I thought why should I be the one spoiling the mood. And I thought my life has been the way it is and though it is not a smooth sailing; every bump I faced led me to even beautiful things. Allah Maha Besar. If He has decided that I would be blind, something better is meant to happen. I should never doubt His decisions. When my old self, would be screaming and cursing, I learnt that I should just accept and be thankful for everything that I have.

Back to the USS story, it was fun (I think). It is not as big as Disneyworld Florida but it is cool nonetheless. From my right eye’s point of view (haha), it was fun and entertaining. I wish I can elaborate on that.

That night, I went to see the doctor because it was getting worst. At first I thought I can deal with it at least until I’m back at KL but I couldn’t. The doctor gave me some medicine and she said if it’s not getting better, I should see an eye-specialist.

The next day, my eye was getting better and we went around Singapore for shopping and sight-seeing. I tried their McD coffee something McFlurry and coffee something drink because the burger that my sister suggested with the rice in it is not on the menu that day.

Oh, and one more thing, the custom to enter Singapore is so not worth it. Even America’s custom is not that stressing. We waited in long lines. I cannot even describe in exaggeration how stressful the system works there. I’m glad that everything’s over finally. Hehe.

Oh, have I mentioned that my baby niece has her own passport. How cute is that? Her hair is tied like Flinstones’ daughter. She’s a cutie and her height is 75 centimeters. AWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Hari Ini Punya Cerita

I have prepared this one entry and I cannot wait to post it but I don’t feel like posting it just yet. Maybe later tonight?

I decided to tell my ‘grand’ day today. I went to Alamanda since my mum  asked me to pay the bills. So I went there and wasted millions of minutes of my life waiting for my turn. Sumpah lama gila. I thought I might as well recite Yassin coz who knows I get old and die there, right?

So, while waiting, came this one family. The mum is younger than my mum and she brought her three kids. The first two children are boys and the last is a girl who wears this cute ‘tudung’ for kids. The first child is a couple of years younger than me, I guess and he went out to answer a call. The second child is way much younger and he was playing with the girl. They are full of love (no kidding). I thought at that phase, kids fight all the time or is it just me and my sisters? Haha. So after awhile, the big bro came in and he played with his sister. The sister is around 5 or 6 years old. They are so cute!!!! The eldest bro was laughing and playing this counting game with his sis. The age gap is big but the big bro kept entertaining the young girl. That is freakin sweet! He asked his sis to count his fingers. When the sis hesitated, the big bro laughed and asked the young sis to go back to school. Susah nak cerita but that’s sweet. Hilang jap penat menunggu. Cute!


Since I’ve nothing to do, I might as well write what I’ve realized. I realized that I have this disease called EGO. So, realizing it makes it a bit better no? Realizing is the first step to overcome it and then become a better person. There are other diseases I’m trying to overcome too. Pemarah, penakut and iri hati. Bukan iri hati teruk sgt pun. It’s just that I cannot stand this one person trying to show off every single thing of her life. What’s her point? Adoi, sakit kut. Like seriously, do you have to show off? Sedikit kita takbur, bergegar Arasy Allah tu. Nauzubillah! Seriously, I’m way out of your league, girl. I don’t wear skirts, I’m fat, I don’t have the best of genes when it comes to my thigh, I have many bulu kt kaki and I’m not thinking of shaving them and  I'm staying at home tending my mum, I’m just a fucking boring person. You don’t have to feel threaten by me! Semoga engkau berubah wahai manusia. Doa is the best Muslim’s weapon so keep on praying peeps for yourself and for the goodness of others =)

Off for now. I cannot wait to post this one entry that I’ve saved. Wait for it guys. Chewah mcm ada org nk baca kn? Haha.

Friday, December 2, 2011

M-M-

I realized that I haven’t written about my mama for quite a long time. I was Facebook-chatting with Hue Ming a couple of months ago and my mama called me for ‘minum petang’. I mentioned it to Hue Ming as I wanted to end the conversation. I thought I sounded casual but she said I sounded happy. Now that I think about it, she’s right. I was happy and still is. I don’t say much now how I miss my mama because she’s here with me all the time now. How blissful.

Okay, the reason I write this, is because I just love my mama. Nothing much. Oh, and yesterday, I felt I miss her though she was only gone to work where I can expect her to be home at about 5. Silly me.

Mama has decided to buy some chicks. When I went to buy the chicks, I didn’t notice anything odd because I was so excited to see these small creatures. It was only at home that I began to learn each chick’s personalities. There are 6 of them and they have different personalities (mama bought one at first). Macam manusia pulak kan but it’s true. So, I realized that this one chick, she’s always sleeping. All the time. When her other siblings and step sister made so much noise and ran away from me who was just trying to clean their humble abode, she slept. But she made some noise once in a while and she ate and drink (though sometimes she dozed off after a few sips of water and in the food container itself-cute huh?). She’s the smallest among them. Although inside, I felt that she’s not strong I don’t voice it out. I laughed it out with my mama trying to act cool. And I know mama felt the same way. One morning, when I went to them to wish them good morning, I saw her. She’s dead. I tried to talk to her but she’s really gone. I was late. I should’ve been by her side. Maybe it was cold the night before. I phoned my mum (she was at work) and I told her what happened. I thought she would say ‘Hah? Ye ke?’ but the first thing that came out from her mouth was her laugh. That was surprising. She said she knew it from the look of the chick. She was not strong from the get-go.

My mama didn’t laugh evilly but she was laughing the easy laugh that she has. I was feeling miserable but listening to her, I feel ok instantly. Mama, you’re special!


One of my earliest posts is about this one girl that has stolen my heart. From the outside, she looks ordinary. But I have never thought that she can make my heart skips, my blood rushing to my face and ears. No kidding. I don’t know how I can describe her accurately. She is the only younger person I’m proud of. She’s like my soul partner. She’s my baby sister that I have never had. She makes me feel like I can be a big sister and not awkward at that at all. And she makes me feel comfortable with my age. Susahnya nk ckp but she is seriously different. She used to run to me and tell me her problems and I felt important. Now that we’ve grown up (kinda), she still asks for my advice. This one night, she asked me and I told her what I would usually do if I’m in her situation. She’s impressed. I don’t even know I can impress anyone at all! Not a big deal to some but such a big freakin deal to me. Just me writing about her makes me jump. SOUL PARTNER. I know I am capable of loving someone. Here is one proof (and another where I love Britney). I know I cannot marry her and I don’t have that tendency. But I don’t love her like my own family members. She’s…………………………………… I don’t even know what I feel. She’s just freakin different. I love her and I’m proud that I can be her big sister! Nikmat Allah terdapat dalam pelbagai bentuk and one of it is through giving me this special girl and I’m REALLY blessed that Allah gave me the opportunity to know her!


Wow, I am capable of loving other people after all. Hehe. Syukur Alhamdulillah for this feeling. Allah is great for giving me these great people!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Kena Delete =)

I have to delete one of my recent posts. It was too emotional and I was not trying to show the world my pathetic life. I was overwhelmed by emotions. STAY STRONG BITCH!

That's my intention for posting this. Nothing special happened except that Malaysia lost to Bahrain. Fucking sad coz they almost won it. Urrghhh!!! Muslim should have been in the game!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

You Stalker!

Okay, please ignore my last post. I was emotional.


By the way, this post is dedicated to my stalking bitch. Oh my God, you are really a stalker. You know who you are. Haha.. I only posted it early this morning and you called me to talk about it. Such a stalker. You should be my partner in crime then la when I was stalking Tajul back to his house (Yup, I stalked him by car and I was still new to driving. I was risking my life)!


Thanks for cheering me up though it actually sucks. Yela, perlembagaan xleh diubah! Haha. I hate u bitch!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Tajuk Rasa Cam Nak Carut Tapi Xleh Atas Sebab2 Tertentu

Okay, tangan aku gatal sgt nk tulis panjang2 sbb aku excited ni!.Ada berita gembira. Tambah lagi dgr lagu2 Panic! At The Disco tp aku xleh. Sbb apa?? SPP!!! Interview hari Selasa ni..Study ciput je. Aku dh la haram malas nk amik tau isu2 semasa. Bnda2 ni la yg diorg nk tanya.. Cuba tanya psl Britney, dh sure aku yakin xkn salah pun! Urrgggh!!

Okay, nape aku happy?

My babies, they got their results today! 3 org dpt 5A. Hans (dia mmg aku tabik. BI dia pun slang habis), Muqlis (the responsible brother to his 7 year-old brother) n Nizar (ketua pengawas yg ada side yg nk enjoy wpun dia pgg tggungjwb besar-which I adore!).

Aku rindu diorg! Aku sayang diorg! Diorg bt aku hepi (wpun aku hampir hilang pendengaran sbb diorg suke menjerit sbelah telinga aku je).

My babies! I wouldn't trade my memories with them for anything!

Aku nk tulis psl diorg tp xde masa pastu skrg lak masa sibuk fikir (fikir je,blum bt pape lg) dgn SPP yg mcm tuttt je ni!

Besides my family, I love my Pykett babies to death. They make me smile!

Waa....Sedihnya. I will never see them again! They'll grow and be matured. Innocence diorg pun akn hilang ke?

DH! Aku kena start betul study ni!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Things That Make Me Laugh/Smile

I am very hard to be pleased, but that doesn't mean I'm a stuck-up person. These are things that make me laugh/smile.

#A REALLY REALLY good joke!

#Some of my sis's jokes (where the rest are just so mean to make me mad)

#Sexy guys

#Anything that came out from Lemak and Hue Ming's mouth

#Britney Spears and her songs! Epic!

#My baby niece

#The thought of my baby boys from SK Pykett Methodist

#Stuck Like Glue, Yank and No I.D music videos
-these are the only videos that can have the smiling effect on me!
(These videos never failed to make me smile. Yank reminds me of how Zul sang that song with stupid gestures, Stuck Like Glue is so damn funny! The guy in the video playing the guitar is the perfect best friend. He would do anything for his friend even if it means he'll be in trouble, and No I.D is funny. Enough said).

Lately: #Brendon Urie

(He looks like a fun guy to hang around with. He looks like my perfect best friend. He is not afraid to look stupid when making stupid faces; his eyes is heaven and his voice makes me melt-listen to his interviews!His voice is deep. Gosh, I'll be dead if I talk to him).




SEE! I TOLD U SO!

The reason I write this post is because I'm bored. My sister said I have no life and that, I have to agree! I'm a loser!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Another Day, Another Story. Read Between the last Lines

My dad cooked for lunch and as always left the kitchen messy (messy is apparently an understatement). So, cutting the story really short, I cleaned up after him. And don't worry, I spent my whole life there (exaggeration coz you don't want to clean a kitchen after a guy just used it).

I made a promise to treat myself to Starbucks in the evening.

Went to Alamanda. So excited to see people and being alone that I didn't buy any coffee at all.

Went inside the MPH. Browsing books but I only have Jodi Picoult in mind. While looking around, I found a magazine with Britney Spears' picture as the cover. I have been looking at this particular edition and I couldn't find it anywhere so I just read the article from the Internet (so much for a fan, huh?).

Finding it there, I bought it of course!

Browsed again for Jodi Picoult's books. Found one that I haven't read. The title is 'Sing You Home' if I'm not mistaken. But I didn't buy it. Went inside the MPH hoping to come out with a Jodi Picoult's book but ended up with a magazine.

Congratulations Bazilah *pat on the back real hard!

I feel that there is little left of Jodi Picoult's books for me to read. I'm not bold enough to try other authors coz I don't want to be let down. Used to love Danielle Steele but after I found Picoult, I don't bother to read Steele's novels anymore (they're too romantic and the characters always have sex and a detailed one at that). My first Picoult novel is 'The Pact' and I had fever when reading it then. I have never experienced anything like it before. But I still like Steele especially her book about her son, the good looking Nick Traina! And oh, she's Britney's favourite author too! How's that for a coincidence? I am meant to be with Britney la.

The real questions are:

Should I move on?

Should I try and venture on new authors, new perspectives? And if so, who should I read? Will I make a wrong decision again like many times before?

I shouldn't hold on to things that I am always comfortable with, should I?

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Elephant Part 2

1.       When I was taking the robe for my convocation in UUM, I can suddenly see too many ‘Aslams’ around. And I miss goin to class there because I would always bump into Aslam on the way to class. Me with NAV and Aslam with his famous white scooter and his long-sleeved shirt and his sling bag. Though he is known for bunking classes, I can guarantee that I always bumped into him. Maybe that’s because I bunk many classes then too. God, UUM practically has no rules. No one cares whether or not you’re in the class. The students there suddenly look like Aslam. Now, I’m no longer a student and there’ll be no more Aslam with his scooter.


2.       There was this one class during foundation (I forgot the subject’s name). It is the one class I hate the most because we were always required to do (measure) something. This means that we have to move our muscles. Since entering maktab, I personally have become a lazy bum. So, I dreaded the class. There’s this one time, we were required to measure every inch of a friend’s face because there’s a correct measurement of a perfect face. My partner is of course Dalwin. She measured my face and of course la, definitely la, my face is not symmetrical. She, being Dalwin that she is laughed out loud and kinda announced to the whole class. Faqih, sitting nearby, laughed too. God, I miss those moments when I was a very confused young lady. Haha.


3.       I had a baby picture of me that I gave to my ex-boyfriend. Madam Chiang was in the class and I had Dalwin’s IC. The picture is funny (sorry girl, but it is). I showed it to Mdm Chiang (Mdm Chiang is the only lecturer that I’m fond of. I really like her and am comfortable with her despite others being terrified of her strict and serious way of teaching. I love her!). Dalwin quickly ran and gave my baby picture to her. Nothing special happened but I remember it because for once, the class is not so tense.


4.       Sivaji the Boss is such a phenomenon in my class this one time. I haven’t watched the movie but my TEYL 2 buddies acted like it’s an object from space. Because I have no interest in it, I cannot exactly remember the things they discussed about the movie. They (although not everybody) were passing the movie around like it’s a must-watch.


5.       Speaking of movies, me and my roommate with Ahlam and Ainnul used to watch movies together in my room. That was trillion years ago when we have no such things as assignments and the classes were only about introducing ourselves. I would always be the one to sleep first. I just cannot stand movies. I would practically sleep while standing if I’m bored out of my skull. I sleep in cinemas for every movies I went except Phobia 1, 300, and Stardust (no exaggeration here). Like I’ve said before, my roommate said that I can sleep even if I have drunk a bucket of coffee.


6.       When we were introducing ourselves during the first few classes, Udin would always say ‘Charriot’ whenever I introduced myself. The song was famous at the time. I didn’t understand the reason for calling me that at first but (bukan nk perasan ye) one day, a friend called out my name and I heard it wrong. It sounds like he said ‘Charriot’. So maybe that’s why Udin called me Charriot.


7.       After Farid and I are no longer an item, Hisham would always ask me out. I don’t know his intentions but I always feel like he’s saving me from staying sad and depressed. But I was shy because we were not always close and I was afraid that he might say that I’m the most boring girl he ever hangs out with. He always laughs at my jokes when I feel they are too dumb to be laughed at. But Hisham’s a sweetie. Back then, there were no Rapid Penang buses. We went out with these yellow buses; Milan. And I swear to God, I was crying in the bus once and he was there, listening and watching me being pathetic. He’s there. Just there for me.


8.       Speaking of crying, Zul has once (more like million times) watched me cried. But this one’s special because I was practically crying my heart out (you know, with all the liquid in my body pouring out from every single pores on my body). He listened to me being foolish and he gave me his vest (he was wearing this famous vest for forever then. It’s the vest’s phase) to dry my tears. Then, he gave me his thin tie. I was such a dork (still am). I think I was doing a great job making him feel disgusted at me but he didn’t show it though. Haha.. Thanks babe.


9.       I think this is not something that needs to be refreshed. Puvi can remember this her whole lifetime. We went out. I was new to driving and we went to this one place in Penang, near Gurney (I forgot the name of the place. God, my brain is not functioning properly due to the 6 months of doing nothing). There were Indians everywhere. I don’t know what festival they were celebrating. Like I said, I was new to driving. Swear to God. At that point in time, I have been driving four to five times my whole life. I drove into a guy’s feet. His friend started to kick and bang my car. There was a swarm of people that I cannot just take off. I know Puvi must be really embarrassed. Sorry girl. I was not feeling well that night. I just came back from KL. I was sad because I was not going to see my mum again for a long period of time and I was having a headache. You apologized to me later because you said the trip was supposed to be fun. Haha. You don’t need to apologize. We were having fun in a way.


10.   Shah, do you know you’re a sweetie. Some people can get offended by my words though I don’t mean them. By the way, I think that the people who get teased by others are those that are lovable. But some people just cannot take jokes. But with you, I know I can say whatever, and you’ll be just fine. When I saw you from a distant, I know I can smile and tease you without worrying whether you’ll be taking it the wrong way. Thanks buddy.


11.   Okay, this is probably embarrassing for me but I have to write it out. Dalwin had a crush on Bakthiar (I think it still applies now) and it was a new thing then. It is not as famous a thing as it is now though. I am the few people that know about this crush then. Hisham and Bakhtiar wanted to borrow Dalwin’s notes during one examination period. Dalwin was so nervous she had to call me out to accompany her to give the notes to Hisham and Bakthiar. Before they were leaving, Bakthiar said thanks to Dalwin for lending the notes, to Hisham for something and he turned to me and said thanks for wearing the red sweater I was wearing. Before I proceed, let me tell what happened before. It was early in the morning (for me) when Dalwin asked me to accompany her and I was still sleeping but Dalwin insisted that it’s not a big deal to go out in front of the building without taking a shower. I didn’t wear bras. Since Dalwin was in a hurry, she said no one can see my ‘you-know-what’. I took out a red sweater to cover them up. Being me, I made such a fuss about my assets being clear as day. She assured me that they’re not and I believed her. So, when Bakhtiar said his gratitude to me for wearing the sweater, I quickly turned to Dalwin. I flipped out. Malu kut. Bakhtiar and Hisham looked at each other. Puzzled. I quickly ran into Pala feeling really embarrassed and Dalwin on cloud nine. We discussed about the situation and Dalwin again reassured me that Bakthiar is just being polite. Hisham called later and asked about the incident. Though I’m reluctant, we told what happened and Bakthiar; at the background, assured me that he was just saying that because he didn’t know what else to say to me. So, I basically blew the cover up myself. Malu okay!


12.   It was recess and Dalwin wasn’t in the class yet when some of the boys (the leader is Aje and Hazwan) planned to act like Sin Chan’s mother (I forgot the name. See, I told you I forget everything now) with both their pointing fingers to the eyebrows. When Dalwin’s back, they said a famous phrase from Sin Chan’s mother together. It looked spontaneous. Dalwin was shocked. That was funny man. Back then, they love to tease Dalwin on her eyebrows. My favourite would be the joke about the outcome of Dalwin and Yazid’s (Dalwin has a short crush on Yazid then) marriage. That is plain mean guys! But funny nonetheless!! Haha. There was one about Dalwin’s eyebrows being similar to the McD mascot. Dalwin would get furious but she’s a softie that people still love her. Aje would always be behind these teases. He would laugh at things as if that’s the funniest thing he ever heard. Now that we were no longer classmates, I miss his laughs and other itsy bitsy details of TEYL 2.


Too much information for now. I hope there’ll be a part 3. It all depends on the mood.
*Buat warna2 sebab tak nak bagi bosan. Big 'L' for me.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Count On Me

This song is definitely goin to be famous like his other songs. No doubt about it. So, I dedicate this song to the really few friends I have. Here's 'Count On Me' by Bruno Mars.

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will remind you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go, never say goodbye

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

You can count on me 'cause I can count on you

*It's weird that I collect these phone numbers for the past six years and when I feel like talking and trashing or even crying, I don't know who to call when I look up at the numbers. It's like I don't have any numbers in the first place.

*Don't get me wrong. There are few that I love and that as the song suggests, I would do anything to these wonderful people.It is just that there are really few of those and I really have learnt to save my heart for the right ones.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Updates

1. Went through Zul's convo pictures and there were pictures of places in Penang. I miss Penang like so damn much. I miss going to Padang Kota Lama late at night. I miss freakin everything.

2. I sense that a girl friend of mine is very sad. Dear, be strong. If my assumption is correct, I think you deserve much better than him. Trust me. And yes, you're right, leave it all to Allah and He knows what's best for you.

3. Watched a video of one 18 year-old who just legally converted to Islam. Praise to Allah for giving her a chance to see the light. Seriously, I'm scared like shit. I am born a Muslim but I cannot guarantee that I'm much better than a non-Muslim. Subhanallah. I don't want to be one of those that are born Muslim but do not practices Islamic rules. Sumpah aku takut. Takut alpa. Dunia. Bisikan syaitan. Takut dipalingkan dari kebenaran. Hidup yang tak menentu. Hati aku pernah tak tenang. Sekarang pun bukan sepanjang masa tenang. Syaitan seronok. Takut!!

4. I was so used to being criticized by my sisters when growing up. Then, I went to IPG and the people there; they seem to be born teachers. They are so nice that my jokes seem to be harsh to them. I began to learn 'their language'. Now, going back to where I'm from, certain jokes and harsh words can bring tears to my eyes. Pathetic me. I should be stronger. Adjusting back; today my mum's friend talked to me in a very very very soft and well-mannered tone. She left me speechless. Haha. As a conclusion, I am torn in between now. I cannot accept people who are too harsh and I cannot be with too soft a person. I wish I can be the old me. The free-spirited, the true, the original me.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Post-convocation

Sorry, I have to start with the ‘post-convocation’ story because it touches me the most. Convocation day was one hell of a hectic day. I didn’t really care anymore about the scorching sun. I was trying hard to make my mum comfortable (as the weather was quite warm) and finding my peeps. I saw them smiling. I wanted to say so much but I know that my sis must have been sweating and uncomfortable and I know that my dad was not in a good mood (duhh!). And though my mum didn’t say anything, I know that she must not feel at her most comfortable. Therefore, I run as fast as I can to some of my friends and saying few words when the fact is I wanted to hug the life out of them.
After a few shots (bunyi nk mcm model je), I went to return the robe and again saw a few rushing friends. I didn’t get to say much. It was stuck deep in my fucking throat. Even Hazwan didn’t make fun of me (see? I am serious about how people were rushing).
It’s when driving back to Putrajaya that it hit me that I will no longer see the other 76 of my friends in the same room again. That’s when I cried. And I was listening to Blink 182’s new album Neighborhoods, for God’s sake. Only sad songs make me emotional but this time around, I really cried listening to Blink’s songs. I was thinking of Syirah and how she would keep me company late at night when I was driving. I remembered how I laughed with Ming, how Dalwin was once really close with me that we would go out together almost every day. I remembered how I spent my time with my boyfriend then but that was a long time ago that I feel that we were so young. And I remembered so much more that it hurts till now; when I’m typing this fucking sentence.
To make it worst, being the ‘adik’ that I am, I did all the carrying bags stuff when I am supposed to be enjoying my convocation day. I think in a few days, I’ll be having my PMS because semua nak emosional je skrg!!!!
Worst, I overslept until noon the following day and I was having a nightmare. A really scary one, I swear to God. If nightmares are the devil’s way of trying to test us, they really got me. I was scared. I hate them!!! I didn’t cry but I’m crying inside until this very moment.
And till this moment, I’m tired emotionally that it affects me physically.
I miss my friends. I didn’t get to hug Dalwin and Puvi (they’re the best huggers). I didn’t get to hug and hold hands with Pavitra. I didn’t get to say what’s on my mind to my beautiful friends.
I didn’t get to see Siti, talk to Udin, and laugh with my crazy fun friend, Zul and the others. I didn’t get to make fun at Yazid and being teased back. Hazwan, Fikri, Hisham, both Afiqs, Ainnul. Gosh, almost everybody!
My friends, please know that I love you guys and I just wish that one day, we’ll meet again!

Can anyone make me feel better? FUCK!!!

(Sorry for the rude words in this post. Really fucked up)

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Kak Faz Fuze :)

Thanks beautiful babe. Luv ya always!

To My Once-cute Friend

You're tall now right? So cute does not really apply to you anymore.

Hey, why have you diactivated your facebook? I kinda miss your posts. They're funny especially your posts throughout Ramadhan.


Anyway, I have quite a shitty day and I don't have nobody to talk to. (That has nothing to do with anything).

Monday, September 26, 2011

Of Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson and Similar Stories

Know what I'm doin lately?


Every night, I must watch Nick and Vanessa's Dream Wedding. Nick Lachey is from the band 98 Degrees. He is Jessica Simpson's ex-husband. I'm not a fan of Jessica Simpson really but after I watched Nick and Vanessa's Dream Wedding, I feel bad for Jess.


It's been years since Nick and Jess divorced and though Jess said she's happy for both Nick and Vanessa, I know that deep down she's not. Some women like me and I believe Jess too, may show that they're strong but deep down, they are mending the scar that they know will always be there.


I know Nick has really moved on and I can really see that he's much happier with Vanessa but I cannot help but feel sorry for Jess and I cannot help but instilling hatred towards Nick.


I don't know what has happened between them but Nick shouldn't have given up. He should always try to hold on to Jess even if it's hard (you can see that Jess is a spoiled brat).

Watching sad stories makes me emotional. I know the effects towards me but I cannot help but to destroy myself emotionally. When I'm feeling blue, I'd voluntarily watched sad videos, listen to sad songs and just be pathetic.


When I hear my friends telling me sad stories, I would cry. Gosh, I have a really sad life!! I don't know. I just wish I am living a happy life, where everyone's happy. I don't want anyone to be sad. It makes me sad. Hope there's a full stop to sad stories.


ps: Anyway, today's Udin's birthday. Please do have a happy day buddy. Miss ya and I cannot wait to have a happy time with you and the others during convo :)

Friday, September 23, 2011

Today's Boring Story

Kak Farah called.

Catching up.

Missing her.


Hang up.

Bored again.

Continuing life as usual.

Got a wall post from Aslam.


"Abduction".

Cool.

Begins to think I'm phedophile for sure. GOD!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Not Worth Reading

Nothing to update. Life inside the humble abode all day long makes my life not interesting at all.

But, I might as well write something.

I watched BSB's videos lately. I should be ashamed right? People don't listen to BSB. The boys are old. BSB's a lame boyband. They're for drooling teenage girls (though now they drooling over Justin Beiber EWWW). Real people listen to Avenged Sevenfold or System of a Down.

Well, whatever. Don't get me wrong, I love Avenged Sevenfold and System of a Down (gosh!) but I grew up listening to BSB.

Brian's a cutie. He's short and hasn't changed (physically and in personality).

I love my childhood. Full of fun and far from hypocracy.

Anyway, love the BSB. Miss my childhood. When I listened to 'Quit Playing Games With My Heart', I remember that I used to be singing that song aloud in my Year 3 Bersih (primary) classroom. I can still feel the classroom's surrounding.

Oh, it's just me feeling really old.

More boring updates coming (hoping so).

p.s: please check BSB's out. They really are not lame. They're doing their own thing and has been best buddies forever and enjoying every minutes of their lives.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Haih, macam-macam

What is more pathetic?


Only to be noticed because you have plenty of money?



or


Not to be noticed at all?



p.s: speaking from someone else's behalf.

Friday, September 16, 2011

An honest confession, An advice, An unimportant read for some

I had ideas then but it has become a mess now. Basically I wanted to say that I’ve learnt a lot during this break. My mom got sick and she underwent an operation. My elder sisters are quite busy and since I’m still waiting for my posting; I take care of my mom. No big deal. Yeah for a true girl. Not me though.

Let me brief something before I go to the main point of this post. I am a really spoiled brat. I have to admit that. My mom; she has been a rock; no, a mountain for me and my sisters. Honestly (this is a true confession), I have never cook and wash the dishes because my mom wanted me and my sisters to focus on our studies. She never complained. She never asked me to do anything at all. She did everything from the simplest to the most difficult task. And when she was diagnosed with an illness, I began to feel the burden though not as much as she has been facing in making me and my sisters human beings.

It was the simplest chores at first; but then they began to get more difficult (though I have not been to the cooking department yet thanks to my grandmother- oh, she’s a marvelous cook).

I cannot imagine how my mum put up with everything then without a word of complaint.

Okay, here’s the main point of my post. I learnt that it is very hard to take care of the sick. I have never been in this position before. I was basically a princess without the castle and the loving King. Now that I have experienced the reality, I have set focus to life (more to the kind of person I want to be married to – gatai kan aku?)

Sure, if the audience reading this is from the younger generation group, they wouldn’t have really know what I’m trying to say.

Let me put this as simple as possible. Taking care of some sick people is no easy task. Sick people don’t do anything much. They don’t do things on their own. You are lucky if you are taking care of those that can still walk. They don’t smell good most of the time. They demanded things at the most ridiculous times. They make you wake up at 6 am when you are enjoying your holidays. They make you look for things in the trash and wash the whole kitchen when your aunt and grandma are celebrating Raya back at kampong.

So basically, it is not an easy job.

So here’s an advice from a wiser sister; if you are 22 and below, and from someone with new knowledge if you are older.

I am taking care of my mother who I dearly love and who has given her everything to me. So, I don’t feel any burden whatsoever. I would do it all over again if I have to (plus, you don’t want to miss the cute doctors running around looking very intelligible).

Adoi, the advice is not coming out la. Okay, here it goes again. When I was younger (chewah), I look for cute guys, and hoping to marry one of those. And then those with sense of humour, those that can crack me up. Basically those that are handsome la (duhhh).

But after taking care of my mom, I have set my priorities straight. If I can pick anyone for a husband, I want someone that can accept my every flaw. Someone that can put up with me when I’m old, when I get seriously disgustingly sick. Yeah, the ‘love’ that you think can last for a lifetime does not really last. Once you get bored after 2, 5 or the lucky seven years of marriage (nowadays talking), you start doing your own freakin’ thing. I don’t want a marriage like that. Looks is not important. I want a guy that really loves me and no one else. Someone that can take care of me even if I’m having hair loss to the point of baldness. Someone that don’t go for hot chick once he’s a famous goalkeeper. Someone that make decisions based on Islamic beliefs. Someone that loves me because of Allah and someone that can guide me become a better Muslim.

Anyway, the point is, for those that are still not married, don’t go for rich guys. Don’t go for guys with looks. Don’t go for guys that you are proud of to be displaying on your facebook or during Raya where you take him home to show to your pathetic cousins.

Trust me, you won’t be forever lovey-dovey with your spouse forever like during the first year of dating. One day, you’ll get old and all you want is someone sitting faithfully next to you reciting Al-Fatihah or Yassin.

A nice song with a video that kinda sum up what I have been trying to say. Check the video out. Sang by He Is We featuring Owl City. The name of the song is All About Us.



Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Mushy Feeling Late at Night

Browsing through old photos really brings back memories. I used to laugh my heads off. I used to cry my heart out wishing I’d better be dead.

I found a picture of TEYL 2 with me arm in arm with Hanisah Hafidz. She is someone’s wife now. Gosh, I miss her so much. I miss her laughs.

And then, my closest friends commented on a photo of us. One of my friend reminded me of his Alza and how I miss those moments; when he would be driving his female friends (excluding Zul. Obviously he’s a guy). I love it when he would be asking us out since most of the time, I would be the one’s driving. Not that I mind. It’s just that I tend to be serious when driving. Tengoklah, anak-anak orang kut aku drive tu. When he drives, I can look at my friends when they gossiped. I can laugh till I cannot open my eyes. I can look at the road, the houses etc. I can just be silent and enjoy everything while at it.

Random update 1: Ira’s back at home after 2 days at Puncak Alam coz something that has to do with poor administration there. I wish there’s such a thing back when I was still studying.
Random update 2: I miss my old black bracelet that I have worn for years. I have taken it out for months now for no specific reasons.
Random update 3: When I was browsing old photos, I came upon a picture of an old keychain for my old handphone. The keychain has a letter ‘B’ on it. That was a really old keychain bought by an old boyfriend. I lost it during one of the last days in Penang. I was a bit sad but I thought then that life has to move on.
Random update 4: Mama’s still not 100% well but she still wants to go to my graduation day. It’s just another boring day mommy. You don’t have to go.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Makanan & Aku

Tadi Mama panggil..

Pukul 1.30 PAGI: sayup2 suara Mama: Bazilah, Bazilah..

Aku: pun g ke Mama.

Mama sakit perut, so aku teman dia ke tandas yang berdekatan dgn dapur, yg berdekatan dgn meja makan, yg berdekatan dgn kuih muih raya dan pelbagai makanan lain.

Sementara Mama di tandas, pada pukul 1.30 PAGI itu pun aku melantak semua makanan yg ada. Ada kuih raya yg waktu kecik2 dulu, (waktu slim gila dlu) xsuka makan sekarang sume dh jd sedap.

Ada kek coklat. bukan kek coklat yg biasa. Yg ada coklat meleleh leleh tu. Aku bg perut aku proses jgk.

Dan pelbagai makanan lain yg aku malu nk mention sbb dilantak pd pukul 1.30 PAGI.

Kenapa aku makan wpun melihat Victoria Beckham (inspirasi aku) makin cantik? Wpun merasa seperti gergasi stiap kali balik kg brsama sepupu2 lain?

SEBAB: Aku takut lapar mcm rsa lapar stiap kali di hostel. Jd aku nk isi penuh2 sekarang!

Gila terBAIK alasan ko, Sharifah!!

Wahai Sharifah, berhenti la makan. Kwn2 sekolah menengah ko dlu makin kurus, makin nmpak tulang rahang, dan segala jenis tulang kt muka, ko plak makin hilang hidung ditelenggami pipi yg makin memboyot.

JANGAN TINGGALKAN AKU BERSENDIRIAN DENGAN MAKANAN! PLEASE!!!

Post Ramadhan

Kembali me'lagha'kan diri

Is listening to REM - Everybody Hurts..
Gila lama tak dengar lagu tu. Syahdu. Dah tua rasa (pas tu xsedar diri lagi nak insaf?).

Friday, August 26, 2011

Gimme More... Caffeine!!

Wow. I thought after drinking two large cups of mocha from San Francisco coffee, I would have many ideas and excited to write. Maybe I’m too tired though I’m sure I’m not, thanks to the coffee.

I’m a coffee addict. Though my ex-roommate said I would still fall asleep even if I drank one whole bucket of coffee, I beg to differ. I love coffee and anything that can get me feeling like dancing and my palms sweat (though it’s just my imagination) and my heart pumps. Red Bull is another drink that can have the same effect as coffee for me but I drink Red Bull just during examinations. They are too sweet even for my liking. It just makes me wide awake. Guess since I’ve finished my studies (YAY!!), Red Bull company loses one of its regular profitable customer.

Before Ramadhan, my Walid prepares me coffee every morning at my house in Muar. I feel like the Queen of the world. I don’t know why but coffee makes me feel pumped up.




Oh, have I mentioned that when everyone was drinking milk when growing up, I drank coffee. My favourite aunt prepared me coffee every morning when I was little. Her coffee was the best. Even Starbucks comes second.

Now that it is Ramadhan, I just ordered coffee from Secret Recipe (no other choice) when breaking the fast. When Walid first saw how much coffee they put in the drink, he was shocked. Yeah Walid, the more coffee your daughter drinks, the more she will jump out of her skin, the more she is enjoying her life and the more her eyes lit up.

Today, I get to drink 2 cups and not from Secret Recipe (how exciting!). I’m having the time of my life now.

Feel me up with caffeine!! Give me more caffeine!!  

Good (Pray Hard) Night Peepz..

Should I continue writing or should I sleep?

Orang dh bosan la weh..Gi tido..

Sleep it is then.

Good night. Tomorrow hot doctors will check on you. You need to get enough sleep.

Yeah, you wish Sharifah!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hari-Hari Terakhir Ramadhan 2011

Gosh, too many things happening in such short time. I have many things in my mind but I don’t wanna bore anyone. Let’s take things slow. Dear brain, please slow yourself down.

Where do I start? Oh yes, this is the last phase of Ramadhan. The last 10 crucial days where people (in their right mind) would want to start thinking of multiplying their prayers. Multiplying their deeds. Multiplying all the positive things related to Allah.

And guess what? Of all days, I get my ‘semester break’ during these crucial days. What a bummer. I feel so much at ease this Ramadhan and I have been wishing that against all odds, I don’t have to get my period so that I can focus on my prayers.

I’m blessed really to feel this feeling. This serene feeling. I have many things that I wish to come true and I really am looking forward to these last 10 days. Now that I don’t get to pray, I feel sad. I have been hearing that people in certain countries cry and feel sad when Ramadhan is nearing to the end. I feel that way too now. I don’t know whether I’ll be able to have another Ramadhan.

p.s: You can tell your sad stories to the whole wide world but at the end of the day only Allah hears you and only He knows what’s best for you (and He won’t betray you  one bit).

p.s2: Trust Him and you’ll be at ease.

p.s3: Ya Allah, jadikanlah aku hambaMu yang bersyukur dengan nikmatMu dan jadikanlah aku hambaMu yang dapat merasai nikmat Islam dan Iman itu. Ya Allah, janganlah jadikan aku tergolong dalam golongan yang rugi. Amin.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

SEKOLAH KEBANGSAAN PYKETT METHODIST, PENANG

A few days back, a boy from SK Pykett Methodist (the school I went for practicum) messaged me reminding me of his exam.
See, I have never had a younger sibling and naturally I hate the notion that there are people younger than me but going to that school for a few weeks is the most amazing experience ever. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have been wanting to write about the school and the kids for a while back but I know that no words can do justice for what I have been feeling towards the school and the boys (oh, the school is a boys’ school). I would never have expected that somewhere in Penang, there's a boys' school that will steal my heart away :)
Writing this makes me wanna cry. The boys; they are so adorable, so innocent and oh so loud (they shout when talking to me who is just next to them). They’re my babies.
I cannot think of words to express my feelings. They gave me happiness that I have been longing for for quite some time. After the practicum, whenever I feel like driving aimlessly, I would always make sure I’ll be going to the school. Just sitting in my car outside the school in the middle of the night, makes me smile.

Nampak tenang? Jangan terpedaya. it can be craaazzyy!!

Boy, did they leave impact. The boys, the teachers, the canteen’s makcik and kakak are all nice. I am truly blessed. Truly. This experience is one of the things I am proud of.
The teachers are welcoming. Not one single soul is rude because I’ve been to a school briefly for a research back then where a teacher is damn rude. Not going to name any name but the fact that she is a senior and hold a very important position in the school makes me lose respect towards her. Enough with the negativity coz I’m writing about this beautiful experience that not many get the chance to experience.
Thinking about the boys makes me smile. Oh, I just don’t know how to express it. My friends would have known how I would react when I’m excited.
Oh I love them too much I’m thanking God for giving me this f*&%ing amazing opportunity.
I’m thinking of writing about some of the boys in the future. I just don’t want to forget them.
p.s: thinkin about them makes me wanna dance.
p.s2: oh, I’m smiling writing this entry.
p.s3: Alhamdulillah.