.....!!!!!!!......

Wow, many things happened!

My mind's all over the place. I cannot even form the exact intended sentences.

And here, I witness people having fun and doin nothing as if nothing has happened.

Damn! I'm sad!

See, when people are sad, I cried, when they're mad, I cried although none has anything to do with me. I'm weak, yeah, I'm well aware of that.

Penyakit apakah ini?

Menangis tengok masalah orang lain. Mungkin ini ujian/dugaan Allah. Atau mungkin ini nikmat Allah bagi kt aku sebagai menunjukkan hati aku tak hitam dan keras smpai xleh rasa kesusahan orang lain. Apa pun, syukur Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah, aku xleh sembahyang sekarang dan aku rasa sedih sgt tgk org n aku sedih tgk manusia yg suka amik kesempatan, manusia yg xbrhati perut dan manusia yg xhormat yg lain. Ya Allah, tolonglah jangan Kau palingkan aku & mereka setelah Kau berikan kami petunjuk.

Sesungguhnya aku adalah hambaMu yg zalim. Maafkanlah dosaku Ya Allah. Kuatkanlah aku sebagai seorang manusia dan hambaMu!

Aku xsuka sume ni.. I wish for world peace and everyone to be happy!

Kota Singa & Kisah Mata Kiri

The post that I was thinking of posting, - forget about it for a while.

I went to Singapore a couple of days ago with my sister and her family (my bro in-law and my niece). Her friends were also on the trip. We started from KL to JB. We stayed JB for the night at the New York Hotel and went to Singapore the next day.

On the way, we went to Johor Premium Outlets (and I heard that it is the only of its type in Asia. It looks like the outlets In the States but JPO is two-storeyed).

At the hotel; Nayli (my baby Niece), grabbed a pamphlet and as with everything else, she swing it, she tore it, she did everything with the thing and at one point, she swing it straight to my left eye. It took a couple of minutes for me to finally open my eye and it still hurt after that. It was only a couple of hours later that my left eye felt normal again.

Oh, how I was wrong. Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up a few times with tears running from my left eye and it hurt so much that I cannot even open my eyes and I was just praying that it would be morning soon because I cannot stand the pain. When it was finally morning, I rushed to the toilet and tried to open my left eye. It hurt like hell.

The pain did not stop there when I finally opened my eye, it felt like something is in my eye and when something is in the eye, you would usually blink. But in my case, whenever I blinked, it hurt even more. I cannot stop the tears flowing from my left eye that I looked disgusting. I took every single tissue I could find to stop the tears flowing every 5 seconds (I’m not kidding).

So basically, I can only see with my right eye. It didn’t help much because I even put wrong sides of shoes to Nayli’s feet. I was afraid that during our trip, I might lose Nayli (because she can walk now. Yay!) and I know I would be blamed for it from my sister to my mom.

I know Universal Studios Singapore (USS) is fun. I can feel it but I was not enjoying it. When I looked back at the pictures, I was smiling as if nothing was wrong but the truth is, I was in pain. It was so painful that at one point, I have believed that I would be blind when I am 23.

I should be terrified but when my surroundings is full of fun and love and my baby niece is having so much fun, I thought why should I be the one spoiling the mood. And I thought my life has been the way it is and though it is not a smooth sailing; every bump I faced led me to even beautiful things. Allah Maha Besar. If He has decided that I would be blind, something better is meant to happen. I should never doubt His decisions. When my old self, would be screaming and cursing, I learnt that I should just accept and be thankful for everything that I have.

Back to the USS story, it was fun (I think). It is not as big as Disneyworld Florida but it is cool nonetheless. From my right eye’s point of view (haha), it was fun and entertaining. I wish I can elaborate on that.

That night, I went to see the doctor because it was getting worst. At first I thought I can deal with it at least until I’m back at KL but I couldn’t. The doctor gave me some medicine and she said if it’s not getting better, I should see an eye-specialist.

The next day, my eye was getting better and we went around Singapore for shopping and sight-seeing. I tried their McD coffee something McFlurry and coffee something drink because the burger that my sister suggested with the rice in it is not on the menu that day.

Oh, and one more thing, the custom to enter Singapore is so not worth it. Even America’s custom is not that stressing. We waited in long lines. I cannot even describe in exaggeration how stressful the system works there. I’m glad that everything’s over finally. Hehe.

Oh, have I mentioned that my baby niece has her own passport. How cute is that? Her hair is tied like Flinstones’ daughter. She’s a cutie and her height is 75 centimeters. AWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Hari Ini Punya Cerita

I have prepared this one entry and I cannot wait to post it but I don’t feel like posting it just yet. Maybe later tonight?

I decided to tell my ‘grand’ day today. I went to Alamanda since my mum  asked me to pay the bills. So I went there and wasted millions of minutes of my life waiting for my turn. Sumpah lama gila. I thought I might as well recite Yassin coz who knows I get old and die there, right?

So, while waiting, came this one family. The mum is younger than my mum and she brought her three kids. The first two children are boys and the last is a girl who wears this cute ‘tudung’ for kids. The first child is a couple of years younger than me, I guess and he went out to answer a call. The second child is way much younger and he was playing with the girl. They are full of love (no kidding). I thought at that phase, kids fight all the time or is it just me and my sisters? Haha. So after awhile, the big bro came in and he played with his sister. The sister is around 5 or 6 years old. They are so cute!!!! The eldest bro was laughing and playing this counting game with his sis. The age gap is big but the big bro kept entertaining the young girl. That is freakin sweet! He asked his sis to count his fingers. When the sis hesitated, the big bro laughed and asked the young sis to go back to school. Susah nak cerita but that’s sweet. Hilang jap penat menunggu. Cute!

Since I’ve nothing to do, I might as well write what I’ve realized. I realized that I have this disease called EGO. So, realizing it makes it a bit better no? Realizing is the first step to overcome it and then become a better person. There are other diseases I’m trying to overcome too. Pemarah, penakut and iri hati. Bukan iri hati teruk sgt pun. It’s just that I cannot stand this one person trying to show off every single thing of her life. What’s her point? Adoi, sakit kut. Like seriously, do you have to show off? Sedikit kita takbur, bergegar Arasy Allah tu. Nauzubillah! Seriously, I’m way out of your league, girl. I don’t wear skirts, I’m fat, I don’t have the best of genes when it comes to my thigh, I have many bulu kt kaki and I’m not thinking of shaving them and  I'm staying at home tending my mum, I’m just a fucking boring person. You don’t have to feel threaten by me! Semoga engkau berubah wahai manusia. Doa is the best Muslim’s weapon so keep on praying peeps for yourself and for the goodness of others =)

Off for now. I cannot wait to post this one entry that I’ve saved. Wait for it guys. Chewah mcm ada org nk baca kn? Haha.

M-M-

I realized that I haven’t written about my mama for quite a long time. I was Facebook-chatting with Hue Ming a couple of months ago and my mama called me for ‘minum petang’. I mentioned it to Hue Ming as I wanted to end the conversation. I thought I sounded casual but she said I sounded happy. Now that I think about it, she’s right. I was happy and still is. I don’t say much now how I miss my mama because she’s here with me all the time now. How blissful.

Okay, the reason I write this, is because I just love my mama. Nothing much. Oh, and yesterday, I felt I miss her though she was only gone to work where I can expect her to be home at about 5. Silly me.

Mama has decided to buy some chicks. When I went to buy the chicks, I didn’t notice anything odd because I was so excited to see these small creatures. It was only at home that I began to learn each chick’s personalities. There are 6 of them and they have different personalities (mama bought one at first). Macam manusia pulak kan but it’s true. So, I realized that this one chick, she’s always sleeping. All the time. When her other siblings and step sister made so much noise and ran away from me who was just trying to clean their humble abode, she slept. But she made some noise once in a while and she ate and drink (though sometimes she dozed off after a few sips of water and in the food container itself-cute huh?). She’s the smallest among them. Although inside, I felt that she’s not strong I don’t voice it out. I laughed it out with my mama trying to act cool. And I know mama felt the same way. One morning, when I went to them to wish them good morning, I saw her. She’s dead. I tried to talk to her but she’s really gone. I was late. I should’ve been by her side. Maybe it was cold the night before. I phoned my mum (she was at work) and I told her what happened. I thought she would say ‘Hah? Ye ke?’ but the first thing that came out from her mouth was her laugh. That was surprising. She said she knew it from the look of the chick. She was not strong from the get-go.

My mama didn’t laugh evilly but she was laughing the easy laugh that she has. I was feeling miserable but listening to her, I feel ok instantly. Mama, you’re special!

One of my earliest posts is about this one girl that has stolen my heart. From the outside, she looks ordinary. But I have never thought that she can make my heart skips, my blood rushing to my face and ears. No kidding. I don’t know how I can describe her accurately. She is the only younger person I’m proud of. She’s like my soul partner. She’s my baby sister that I have never had. She makes me feel like I can be a big sister and not awkward at that at all. And she makes me feel comfortable with my age. Susahnya nk ckp but she is seriously different. She used to run to me and tell me her problems and I felt important. Now that we’ve grown up (kinda), she still asks for my advice. This one night, she asked me and I told her what I would usually do if I’m in her situation. She’s impressed. I don’t even know I can impress anyone at all! Not a big deal to some but such a big freakin deal to me. Just me writing about her makes me jump. SOUL PARTNER. I know I am capable of loving someone. Here is one proof (and another where I love Britney). I know I cannot marry her and I don’t have that tendency. But I don’t love her like my own family members. She’s…………………………………… I don’t even know what I feel. She’s just freakin different. I love her and I’m proud that I can be her big sister! Nikmat Allah terdapat dalam pelbagai bentuk and one of it is through giving me this special girl and I’m REALLY blessed that Allah gave me the opportunity to know her!

Wow, I am capable of loving other people after all. Hehe. Syukur Alhamdulillah for this feeling. Allah is great for giving me these great people!